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"If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men."
(Romans 12:18)
Conflict. Every leader has dealt with conflict and will continue to deal with it as long as he or she is in a position of leadership. I remember a statement by Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family. He said very few people are fired because they cannot do their job; they are let go because they cannot get along with other people. So true. Many know the pain either of being fired because of their inability to get along with others or of having to let someone go because of personality conflicts.
I have met very few people who actually enjoy conflict. Yes, there are a few who like getting in the middle of the fray and overcoming the conflict at hand. To be honest, it is the thing I dislike the most about leadership. Perhaps that is why I have had my fair share of conflict, so God can prune me and develop me into the leader He wants me to be. I am still a work in progress and learning every day how to be a better leader.
In our biblical text for today, Paul instructs us that we are to try our best to live peaceably with all people. With effort, I think we all can get along with just about everyone. If we offer forgiveness, deference, kindness, and humility, most intense situations can be diffused. A great leadership lesson I learned from a dear friend of mine is what he calls "The $20,000 Question". Andy Spencer writes about this leadership principle in his excellent book, Leadership from the Sidelines. The $20,000 Question is: "Can you tell me more about that?" Isn't that pure genius?! How many conflicts could be peaceably handled if we just listened to what the other person is trying to say or why he or she is so upset.
Of course, there are certain times when the best thing you can do for your business, team, or staff is deal with conflict head on. I think it was the CEO of the Ford Motor Company who saw one of his VPs mistreat one of his employees and reacted in a very interesting way. The CEO pulled his VP aside and told him, "You know how much I care for you and your family, and if you ever need me, please call on me. But you are no longer working for me, because we do not treat one another the way you just treated him." For the leader of the company to come to this employee's defense and fire a friend based on how he treated the employee is quite impressive. Wow. Can you imagine how that made the employee feel? Leaders lead; they do the right thing even when it is brutally difficult.
One of my college buddies told me years ago, "When you lead, you bleed." There are times when you will suffer as a result of simply being the leader. You will have to deal with hard circumstances, difficult people, and yes, the dreaded C-word: conflict. You will need to make decisions that are excruciatingly painful, but in your heart, you know it is the right thing to do. Is it best for the team? Yes. So, you handle it with as much grace as you can. You check your attitude and proceed in peace, and you do what you have to do as the leader.
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