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My all-time favorite Christian song is Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave. This song perfectly sums up the redemption I have seen God miraculously and freely give me. You see, I was one of those children and teenagers that was written off. I was labeled as someone who had no chance, someone who would never make anything of herself, and someone who was never wanted... BUT GOD!
Growing up, my dad was in prison. He chose drugs, alcohol, and a life of violence over his family. I knew his name and I knew his face, but I never knew HIM. Before he went to prison, he would randomly show up and give me "soda pop money." He would randomly take me for the night and spoil me with greasy foods and sweets. He would randomly show up with money for school clothes and supplies. He was random. There was no constant protection, no constant communication, and no constant relationship... BUT GOD!
My mom was present, but in her presence, she was destructive. She made it very clear she never wanted me. She never intended for me to be born. One would think this was the most damaging thing a mother could do to her daughter, say she never wanted her, but this was nothing compared to the pain and suffering she inflicted through the physical abuse. One particular instance that will forever leave a scar, was when my cousin (who had moved in with us because his mother died of an overdose) was molesting me and my mom walked in on it. Instead of protecting me, helping me heal, or reassuring me, she beat me with a bike chain. She spewed volcanic words towards me, shredding every piece of dignity or hope I had, which was not much by this time. During another occurrence, she beat me until I lost consciousness, over a piece of fried chicken. I woke up with blood on my shirt, black and blue eyes, and belt marks covering my body. It was then that I decided it was time for me to get out. I called the police, and as she was being arrested, she looked at me and said, "If I go to jail, I will kill you!" She meant it. So, as she was hauled away in the back of the police car, I knew that in order to live, I must find a way out of her grip.
Child Protective Services gave temporary custody to my grandmother, and I began to make secret plans with my aunt to move in with her. It took some strategizing, but on July 4th of that year, I FOUND FREEDOM. I was free from the grasp of my mother, but DANG was I in bondage to sin, anger, resentment, and brokenness. The above paragraph only touches the surface of the trauma that had defined me.
There is not enough space in these paragraphs to describe the horror of being sold into prostitution as a child or adequately paint a picture of what it was like to collect coins on the side of the road so your mom could buy drugs, not food. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the wounds inflicted over the first 13 years of my life... BUT GOD.
What I didn't realize at the time was God was working all things out for good behind the scenes. He was orchestrating moments that would later become miracles. In fifth grade, He had placed me in Mrs. Miller's class. I was only at that school for one year. This was not by chance, this was the beginning of my redemption story! During that year, Mrs. Miller invested in me, she prayed for me, and she was the first person to ever say I did not have to become the lies that had filled my head and heart. Fast forward three years later, and I walk into church, to see a boy of course, and Mrs. Miller is sitting right in front of me. After a hug and some pleasantries, she invited me to a Bible study. I had no idea what to expect, but I said yes.
Through this simple yes, God began to work. It was not overnight, in fact, I do not think I fully surrendered to the work He was doing in my life until I was an adult. Over the next few years, not free from mistakes and hurt, God began to reveal that He had been with me all along. He had been making a way where there seemed to be no way. He had been placing glimpses of light where there once only seemed to be darkness. He had been preparing me for redemption. As a shattered teenager, I began to let God heal all my broken pieces. He replaced the words, "You should have never been born," with, "I KNIT YOU TOGETHER IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB!" He replaced the words, "I never wanted you," with, "YOU ARE CHOSEN!" He replaced the words, "You will never amount to anything," with, "YOU WILL MOUNT UP WITH WINGS LIKE EAGLES AND SOAR."
My God-given wings have carried me further than I ever imagined. Mrs. Miller ended up adopting me. (I know, I know... you need to hear this story, but Pastor Danny told me I only had one page, and I'm already over that!) I became the first college graduate in my biological family, I married a PREACHER (WOW, that was unexpected!), I received a master's degree, and I am raising four of the most amazing children on this planet.
As for my relationship with my biological parents: my dad got out of prison when I was in high school, and God has redeemed our relationship. I love him dearly, and he is a wonderful grandpa to my children. Please pray for him, because he needs a relationship with Christ, and I am confident God will save my daddy! My biological mom and I have not talked in 18 years. In the last conversation I had with her, she told me, "You turned out to be a good kid, I just had to beat it into you." I knew then that it was not time for restoration of that relationship and have not felt God lead me to that point.
Satan had every intention of continuing to kill me, steal from me, and destroy all pieces of me... BUT GOD!
- Jamie McCurdy
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